In this episode of the Abundantly Ever After show, I touch on the intricacies of relationships, how I approach dating, and share a few frustrations.

Now that I'm entering the realm of dating, I'll be sharing some stories aka Spiritual Love Conversations with you to help you navigate love and relationships from a different perspective.

Today, I explore things that I look for when dating, the importance of approaching dating as an experience, and expanding the definition of relationships.

Dating with Intention: Focus on the Experience not the Outcome

Hello. Peace and beautiful blessings. Welcome to the Abundantly Ever After Show. I am your host, Jovhannah Tisdale. I'm super excited because this is one of the inaugural video recordings of the show. And I just thought it would be cool to see how this feels, how I like it, so here we are.

In this episode of the show, we are going to have a Spiritual Love Conversation. And so I'm gonna be talking about just some different things about love and relationships, but also casting a spiritual light on them that hopefully shift the way that you're looking at relationships and just understanding dating in a different way that helps you, be more mindful and intentional as you go about connecting with others.

Breathwork

Alright. So let's get into it. Alright. So before we get into this, because something's telling me, like, slow down.

Let's just take a breath and really center ourselves. Come in with an open heart and open mind to just receive the information being shared.

So I'm just gonna I'll center myself and take a few breaths. And that just kinda helps me also organize myself and my thoughts because I got a lot to say. But I kinda wanna streamline things so that it's not all over the place. Okay.

Getting Back into the Dating World

I've been single, let's say for a little over a year, right, and decided recently that I was going to Try to go back into dating and Signed up for a couple different apps. One is Hinge. I think I'm gonna try Bumble. And then I was like, let me see let me see what Facebook dating is about. It's trash. It's still trash.

It's probably gonna always be trash. I'm sorry. It's just there's a different type of person on Facebook. Let me just say that.

But, yeah, I'm not using anything like, Tinder because that's not the intention that I have for my dating life. I am sipping some yummy hibiscus, elderberry, and I think rose hips tea. So good. So nourishing.

So, anyways, you know, you you go through and you can connect and match with people. And it's one of the things that I'm noticing is there is a clear difference between the, level of conversation on Facebook versus other applications. But that's neither here nor there.

So Tell Me About Yourself

So this 1 person man that I connected with, like, So tell me about yourself. I really hate that question. That's not a very organic way to get to know somebody. And it can seem very simple. Like, oh, well, they just asked you to tell you about themselves.

But, like, where's the conversation in that? So you want me just to list out these facts of me? It feels very sterile like a job interview. I'm not here for applying for a job. And I think the more that right? Because if you ask someone to tell you about their stuff, they're gonna tell you all the good things about them. Right? They're not gonna necessarily reveal the parts of them because you've just given them the opportunity to hide them.

I prefer to get to know someone in organic conversation. And that's gonna take longer because you're not gonna just learn like, okay:

• I grew up here.
• This is my age.
• I have this many children.
• I do this for work.
• I went here for school.
• I like to read.
• I like to write.
• I like to do these activities… blah blah blah blah blah.

And a lot of times people are telling you the version of themselves that they wanna be or that they're working towards being rather than who they are right now in this moment and what they've experienced that got them there.

So immediately, my response was, I don't like that question. You asked me to tell you something about you. I just did. Like, if you want to get to know a person, get to know them. Have more and again, a lot of people don't have that mindset that is a little more expansive. And so them saying, you know, tell me about yourself is absolutely fine and okay.

But when we dig beneath the surface, because what I'm seeing is that you either don't know how to have a conversation or you don't wanna do the work required to truly get to know someone, and that is, again, having conversation, asking questions: How do you like to spend your time?

More than likely, a lot of the conversations go something like this: “Good morning, queen. Good morning, gorgeous. Grand rising, beloved. And then, like, how are you? Or what are you doing today? How was work? I hope you have a good day. I hope you enjoy your weekend. I don't have much going on…”

It just becomes this monotonous Void of Emptiness, void, lacking connection and conversation. And I understand why that happens, but what I want you to understand is that is a that's a red flag within itself.

Someone saying, so tell me about yourself. Like, immediately, my mind goes blank because, like, I don't know where where do I start. Do you want me to tell you about my tarot collection, like, my crystals? Stoles. Like, what particularly about me do you want to know? And my thoughts are, like, something drew you to me. Right? And most people will create conversation based around that thing. But a lot of times, if someone is drawn to you because of your pictures or because of your beauty, they're not gonna have much to say because they probably didn't read your profile. They themselves may not have that range of communicatory skills.

And I'm at the age where I don't want to teach people that, because at you know, I'm 40.

My dating pool is 40 and up. If you're still struggling to hold simple basic conversation. Like, if we met in, you know, having lunch, sitting down, talking, you wouldn't come up to me and be like, so tell me about yourself. You might say, oh, what are you having? Oh, how is it? Do you like that? I prefer this. Have you tried this? And I'll be like, no. What's that like? And la la la. And then we might just start in a conversation. Right? Or they might be like, oh, do you know this wine pairs really well with that? You should try a glass. Here, let me order you one.

Where is that exchange? But, again, I feel like the virtual climate for some people creates that disconnect of humanity. And because they might have a whole list of different women that they're connecting to, so tell me about yourself, It's easy to just copy and paste versus say, wow. I noticed you like to be in the gym. You know, how often do you go? That's something that I I like doing too. Like, what's your favorite body part to work? I don't know. But you have a little more substance to work from. So for me, that's an automatic turn off. Like, if you if you're asking that question as a grown adult, that tells me a lot about you, a lot about, Yeah.

It just tells me a lot about a person that, to me, signals that they do not really have the interest or the depth that I am looking for in a human. Just is what it is. And for some people, that might be okay. I'm not saying that is necessarily a bad thing. If you're okay with that, then fine.

But dating to me should not feel like a job interview. Like, ew. Like, to me, the energy of that is so disgusting. It just It feels like they're, you know, looking at this checklist and, like, oh, okay. Like, I don't know. It just it doesn't feel like, oh, I really wanna get to know you. So there's that. Let me take a sip.

Distrust, The Fn Table, & Worth

So I wanna share a couple of experiences that I've had. And one of the things for me Is if you say that you are going to do something, or if you're making these promises that I didn't ask for, you're just coming out your mouth Saying, oh, we don't do this. I wanna do this for you and blah blah blah blah blah.

And then you don't make it happen. Immediate distrust.

Immediate distrust.

And I don't care how honest you are, how genuine you are, how, You know, much we conversate like, I'm not going to trust you because I'm just in my mind, I'm like, okay. Well, he said he was gonna do this. I ain't seen that. He said he was gonna do this, still ain't seen that.

Relationships have become very transactional where everybody's like, what can I get? What can I get? What can I get? What can this person do for you? What does this person bring to the table? Another question that I hate.

Because if you are interested in someone, you should already see value in them. You shouldn't have to ask a question or a person, what do you bring to the table? Because you should already know. That's why you're interested in them is because you see that they are doing something dynamic with their life. And and if they and you come together and you're both doing dynamic things, it's just gonna only elevate both of you. Right?

So someone is asking you what you bring to the table. They haven't gotten to know you. In dating someone and having conversations and actually getting to know someone, you'll see that immediately, which kinda goes back to that same question, like, tell me about yourself. If you get to know me, you'll learn that organically.

You'll get to see the good, the bad, all everything in between. But people aren't really taking the time to do that or to get to know each other. And I had this other person. He asked me, Like, why I was on the the dating app, which I think is stupid, but whatever.

I also know that I have to be very, what's the word, patient? Because people aren't operating in the same way. So I'm like, okay. So what I said was something like, I'm hoping to find someone worthy of getting to know. And then he went on to say, well, he's he's worthy and blah blah blah blah blah.

You don't know that. You don't know what I value to know if you measure up to the worthiness that I'm looking for, but I appreciated the response. Yeah. Like, we have to start looking at things for what it really means. Right.

Because somebody else might have said, well, he said that he's worthy. And then they're like, oh my goodness. This is great. Like, I'm looking for someone worthy and he says that he's worthy. So let me put all of my time and energy and effort into this person.

We just have to be careful because, unfortunately, in today's time, there are a lot of people who are unhealed. There are a lot of people walking around with unhealthy spirits. There's just a lot happening that makes it imperative that you truly center yourself and what you need above all else.

So I've recorded this, video. I have not published it yet, but I'm going to because it was kind of a rant. Like, I was kinda snapping on the video, but for good reason.

Approach Dating as an Experience

Right? It was for definitely for good reason. So I wanna talk about, like, it's just when you're not looking for something in particular, you create space around you to really see what wavelength motherfuckers are really on. Let me say that again.

When you are approaching dating or anything without the the the need for it, without being attached to the outcome, when you have space between it, like, I'm just really just experiencing the process rather than focusing on the outcome, it gives you the space to notice all the red flags.

And some of the red flags are very subtle ones. So if you start to look at the fact that you have to drag conversation out of this person or the fact that like, when you start to look at simple things as red flags, it will change your perspective about a lot things.

So I'm asking like, well, why would he ask me to tell me about himself? Like, where is the conversation at? Like, giving a little and expecting a lot. Like, you want me just to to tell my whole life story to you, you better buy my book.

You better buy my book. Like, I'm no. Like, that's not how this works. You don't you don't get to to lazily date or lazily try to connect. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I know exactly what it is that I am looking for in a person that's gonna be like, okay, this is worth some energy.

And until I see that, I'm just looking at things.

So one of the beautiful things that I teach about dating is to use it as an opportunity to practice your communication skills, to practice upholding your boundaries, and, to really just it's, what's the word?

You're learning how to navigate men, how to navigate other people while standing in your sovereignty, right, testing out your your intuition, paying attention to the signs. Like, this is an opportunity for you to prove that you've learned from your past relationships. That is what dating gives you the opportunity to do. Okay?

And a lot of times, most people date from an unhealed place, meaning they get out of one situation, they jump into the next, they get out of that one. They might got 3 other ones going on, but they don't take the time to stop, sever connections, and truly focus on themselves asking why:

• Why the hell do I keep attracting the same type of people?
• Why am I not standing up for myself in relationships?
• Why do I keep allowing this past person to come back?

Like, they're not asking these questions of themselves. They're not doing the inner work to develop their mind, their heart, their spirit, their emotional intelligence. People just hopping, hopping, hopping, hopping all around, and it's very clear and evident.

Pay Attention to the Images Shared on Profiles

And one of the things, like, with my daughter, like, so I would look at the apps with her and just show her a picture of person and ask her, like, what do you think about this person? And then I'll be like, look at their eyes. What do their eyes tell you, what are the types of pictures that they are posting telling you?

Someone who is always wearing shades on in their photos is a no for me. Someone who is always taking pictures, the only pictures you see of them is either in their car, or they're with, like, a group of friends is a no for me. Someone who has pictures of their children on their dating profile is a no for me.

Anytime I see a picture of a man standing with a woman, I don't care, like, his mom or his sister, it's a no for me. Lots of pets. Again, I love the animals. I will scroll a little bit. Oh my god. The dog is so cute. Like, I get it. Your pet is your life. But, again, That's like a you know?

I get it. Like, a lot of people do wanna showcase the things that they love and their hobbies. But posting your children on a dating app is a big no for me. Why are we parading our children around other adults? Like like that that is very cringe to me, and I really wish that men and women would stop posting pictures of their children on dating applications.

It is weird. There are weird people out here who will see your child and be like, okay. Let me get next to this person because I wanna get next to that child. It's disgusting. Stop putting your children's lives in danger.

What are Your NOs or Non-Negotiable in Dating?

Okay. Let me take a step. So you have to figure out what are your no's when it comes to, dating.

Oh, yeah. The half naked pictures, that's a no for me. I don't wanna see your love cuts. They look nice, but that also tells me, like, if you're posting a lot of, oh, look at my body pictures, it tells me what it is that you're really looking for on said application. Could I be wrong about some of this? Of course. But I don't care. Like, these are my rules based on what I know to be true.

Someone that's not showing their eyes, a lot of times, they have a lot of things hide.

Someone who's always showing off of their body. Like, look at me. I'm a sexy man showing their little their little imprint. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Like, they're probably not looking for a long term relationship. They're just trying to see what they can slip and slide in. I don't have time for that.

Posting the pictures again, to me, that's very cringe. I just don't like it. That's not something that I would do. So that shows that we have 2 different mindsets. Two different mindsets.

That's what I'm trying to get you to see. Figure out what are your no's.

And a lot of times when you see a man and a woman together, that's not a situation that I wanna be involved in.

I don't wanna be involved in polygamous relationships.

I've been in forced poly relationships. I'm sure a lot of you have been, or you think about getting cheated on and things like that. That's because someone is trying to force you into a poly relationship. You already know you don't like it. Right? And I feel like for those people who are just serial cheaters, just be poly. Find someone who wants to have for other people in y'all relationship. Boom. Problem solved.

Stop trying to force people who wanna be monogamous to be poly. Just go find your people. There's a whole community that is okay with open relationships, that want to have multiple partners. Go do that. Okay? It's fine. It's fine. No tea. No shade.

Just stop trying to force it or just be real with yourself and say like, okay. Like, I wanna be with multiple women. Maybe I should explore dating women who are okay with me being with multiple women. But you also have to be okay with her being with other men. And that's a lot of times where men are just, like, Not poly. Right?

They're only poly when it serves them, but that's not all people. I'm just talking about the ones that like to cheat And say they wanna be, you know, monogamous in a relationship, but they got a whole other situations going on.

You need to stop and just reassess the type of relationship that you wanna have and find people who share those values and belief.

Like, it is not that hard. But a lot of times, people do that because they like the manipulation.

I'm gonna talk about narcissism as what I've experienced to be, which is, demonic. A lot of times what we are calling people who are narcissists, they are, demonic. So that's gonna be a lot to to to share, but it it makes sense when you think about it. Okay. So let me get to this this story.

Oh, that's cupping. I cup myself and my clients. Very good. Especially up here. A lot of times my neck and shoulder muscles, arms too, just because of the work that I do. So I cup myself a lot because it helps to relieve the tension in my body, in my muscles. So yeah.

Okay. I also would recommend that before you peruse the dating apps that you do something for yourself. Something physically active, whether it's dancing. I've been more into, like, slow, free dancing, a little ballet, just really moving my body in very slow ways. It's also allowing me to stretch parts of my body that don't always get stretched.

Walking, something that's going to, boost your energy, that's gonna shake off the vibes for the day. Because when you're in a clearer, more happier place you can make better decisions.

Okay? So the story. There was this guy. Like, I had known him in a past life, like high school times.

Right? Again, past life because Just because I knew you 20 years ago or however how long was high school? I don't know. Just because I knew you then don't mean I know you now. Whoever you were and whatever you experienced between then and now has changed you hopefully in a positive way or maybe you're still the same. Don't know.

But that's another thing. We have to approach people that we think Just because we went to high school with them or we knew them 5 years ago, they're not the same person. Exes from your life, people from your past, just because you knew them does not mean that you know them, especially if you have not been in to send contact or communication with them.

I am a person that likes to grow and evolve, so I'm always changing, doing new things, And some people aren't.

Some people like to stay stagnant and they don't move outside of their comfort zone or their area of like, they they just stay stuck. But anyway, so I knew this person. Somehow we reconnected, and he liked me. It was clear that he liked me. You know, I liked him as well, but he just wasn't putting in effort. Also at that time, I was still on, like, an In N Out trying to figure things out with my ex. Like, it was just it was a lot going on. So that I wound up, like, cutting him off.

And then, you know, we reconnected maybe I don't know. We reconnected, and Nothing changed. And that's the thing that I told him. I was like, you're telling me that you like me and that you wanna be with me, but you're not showing me that. And you want me to act like, Like, we're like and he just he couldn't get it. And I'm like, I want to go on dates. I want to be treated the way a man treats a woman when he like, I had to explain this to him, and he still didn't get it. And so, like, I would just not talk to him.

And then he'd be like, well, you don't talk to me. You don't care about me. He was like, I really adore you, and you just you don't like me the same way that I like for you. And I'm like, you say that you adore me, but I don't feel adored. How do you treat someone that you adore? Do you ignore them? Do you do you not call them? Do you not text them? Do you not check on them? Do you not spend time? Because If that's your definition of adoration, damn it. I don't want it. Like, for me to be adored, like, let let let's. Matter of fact, where's my big dictionary? It's right here.

Give me a second. We're gonna look up the definition of adore. I love dictionaries, y'all. Look at my big dictionary. I I got it from $10 at this used bookstore that I found because I'm doing a project and, needed a dictionary. Adore. Adorn. Adore.

Adore. To worship as a goddess or a god. And it has big g god and little g god, and I put in goddess because come on. Is this to worship? Did I feel worshiped? Hell no. To regard with deep often rapturous love. Do you know what rapturous Love is you don't let's look up rapturous. Rapture to me, like, that's like it's it's Rapturous love. Like, what? Rapturous have you ever experienced rapturous love? I haven't.

I might need to add that to my, my manifestation list. Rapture. Rapturous. Filled with great joy or rapture. Ecstatic. Rapture. The state of being transported by Lofty emotion. It's ecstasy.

The an expression of ecstatic feeling. The transporting of a person from one place to another, especially heaven. Well, I don't wanna get transported to heaven because that means that my time here has expired. But if we think of it as a state of mind, then, yes, transport me out of this everyday mundane world into our own paradise. Like, a rapturous spiritual love is a deep unending love where you are being adored and worshiped. It is ecstatic. It's deep feeling. Like, you cannot tell me that you adored me and you were not acting in adoration.

Adoration is the act of worship. We've seen that adore means to worship, to like very much. When you like something, you take care of it. And and so and let me explain it to you this way. Right? Hold on. Let me take a sip. I love this mug. Look at the little crystals.

Okay. The J's. Right? You got a fresh pair. I don't even know the numbers. I'm not a sneakerhead, these days. But if you got a fresh pair of white Jordans, I have watched my homeboys, just men, treat these shoes as though they were kissed by God himself. As though God laced them up with 24 karat gold laces.

These shoes are immaculate. They take them off, and they scrub them down. They dry them. They wash them. They make sure, you know, they buff out all the scuffs. These shoes look brand new, just bright. Just they keep them in the box. They are immaculate. No creases. No scuffs, dirt, no stains, nothing. These Jordans are taken care of.

Why?

Because they love those shoes.

They adore them. So they wanna make sure that those shoes are in pristine condition so when they put on that fresh fit, boom, the shoes are still fresh and clean. I can tell you adore your sneakers, but I don't get that same energy. But you wanna tell me that you adore me.

Lacking Emotional Intelligence

Like, are you… the emotional intelligence is not intelligencing. It's not there. Excuse me.

It is strongly lacking, and that is part of the problem. And with this person in particular, I could tell that they had some insecurity issues; And it wound up coming out. And this is why I did, like, this rant video because I was sharing with them a situation that I was going through with my ex, and they they laughed about the situation.

It's not something to laugh about. Like, it's a very real situation that I'll probably talk about later, but I'm not really ready to speak on it now because it's something that I'm still, in the process of completing. And then he said the words that are the kiss of death. Y'all females, And I anyways, y'all females need to choose better. So I didn't say anything because now, now who you are is something that I can't unsee.

And this man has a daughter. And I just I hate that for these girls who are being raised by these men and who are so misogynistic, misogynoir, just closed off to the fact that women are not responsible for the actions of a man.

If you go to Foot Locker and you like, yo, I need those Jordans. I need them in a size 10.5. I want the white ones. And cool, they bring out the box of Jordans. They open them up.

You're like, there they go. And they close them. But you get home, and you open them up, and there's some, I don't know, some Skechers in there. And you're like, man, I checked the box. I told them exactly like, that's what they showed me. But when you get home, that's not what's in the box. Are you responsible for that? Is somebody gonna tell you you need to choose better, or are they gonna tell you, damn, the store played you? Like, you need to go get your money back. You need to take the shoes, take your receipt, get in exchange, or get your money back or something.

Choosing Better Requires Men DOING BETTER

If a man comes to you and tells you this is who I am, this is what I believe in, and he shows you that, and you're like, okay. You begin to trust him, and then boom, the mask it comes off. Like, how can you choose better if you are never being given the truth to choose from to begin with, but that's a whole another conversation.

But ladies, let me let me be very clear. Calling women females for me is a fuck no. It's a huge fuck no because it is a it's clear disrespect, disdain and disregard for women. That is how I view it. Right?

Nobody's calling men males.

Nobody really calls them boys.

Disrespect of Women

They get respected in a lot of ways. There is a word that was specifically created to represent females of the human species it's WOMAN. And the fact that society has been so comfortable with disrespecting women enough just to refer to them as females is fucking crazy to me.

So somebody that uses the word females, that's a trigger for me. Like, that's a no because that tells me where they are and what they really think about women.

And that's just my, personal belief. I know that is not true for everyone.

However, that there are some women that use the word female. And, you know, I had to reconcile that because one of them, I really love her podcast and her teachings, and she uses the word females a lot. And I know that it is outside of this construct and this paradigm. I know that it is used to maybe represent feminine energy, ever, but yeah. I I don't know.

I like being called a woman because I'm a woman.

There are females of every specie, female dragonflies, spiders, dogs, cats, frogs, sharks, whales, sheep… they all have specific names. Right? So, like, a horse is a horse if you just say person. I don't know. Like, we call horses, horses. And then there's a name for the male horse, which what I think is a stallion. And the female horse is a, I don't know. I forget. But, anyways, it's it's a name for a male and a female of every species.

So why when it comes to us is it so hard to use the word women?

Women Choosing Themselves

Anyways, I digress. But that whole choose better notion is fucking bullshit. Bullshit. If we're being told to choose better, that has to mean that men do better. We can only choose what is available.

And what has happened is women have stopped choosing men, and we're choosing us because that is the better choice, when you don't know what's behind the curtain that of the person or the mask behind the person that is presenting themselves to you.

And there are some really good men who are also still, like, not fully Not fully there or they, like, say they they like you or they wanna be with you, but they're not taking any steps or any progress. And where I am, like, I'm not, Like and I think that's where it is.

Like, a lot of people have been hurt to the point where they're like, well, “if they want me, then they gotta come get me”. And men are doing that. Women are doing that. So everybody's at an impasse. And it's like somebody has to be the leader. Someone has to to step up. And if women are being told to choose better, well, we can't choose you because we were told to “choose better” so we stopped choosing and y'all not really doing the leading and it's a lot.

There's this cycle that needs to be broken.

I don't understand. Well, no. Yes. I do. But in American culture, the disrespect the women is so baked in. It is the the patriarchy, it's baked in. A lot of people are operating out of hurt and wounding, and a lot of men are, you know, selling empty promises, and a lot of women are just like, yeah, whatever.

I'm a just go to hang out with my girls, read this book, and go to this retreat. Like and I'm not laughing because it's funny, but, like, that's really what's going on is women are opting out, and I don't blame them.

Healing Takes Place within Relationships Too

I will say that it is important to deal with whatever trauma's that you had because here's the thing. The single life is great. It is so peaceful. But there are only certain things that were, damaged within relationships will only be resolved in relationship with others.

Like, being in my little sanctuary and oasis is great. I'm at perfect peace. So when I go out into the world, when I go connect with other people, that peace is going to be challenged. Right?

So there's an aspect of healing relationship issues that will only be healed within a relationship, and I I think that's something that is not talked about enough. Everybody's like, oh, you need to go in solitude and heal.

You can't heal communication issues by yourself.

You can have the most profound relate conversations with yourself within your journal. But can you talk and be vulnerable with your partner? You're not going to know how to do that until you are in a situation that requires that of you, and you're gonna have to work through that shit within that partnership. Okay.

Even if you go to therapy, like, you can you can talk it all out with your therapist. But until you are confronted with the situation where you again have to be vulnerable with a mate is not gonna be the same energy as it was, you know, you, you know, practicing and role playing it out with your therapist.

Though it will be very beneficial because they're going to equip you with tools that you can use to navigate that or have the open to say, okay. This is really challenging for me. You know, I'm, I'm struggling with this vulnerability in this relationship, but I'm working on that. I would like for you to help me, like, work through this. Like so just be patient with me as I'm learning this. Okay? So yeah. Like, there's there's so much to it.

Expanding Your Definition of Relationships

I think relationships have so much beauty and power within them.

But I really want people to get to a place where we're able to experience healthy relationships. And when I say relationships, I wanna be very clear that I'm not just talking about, the Hims and the Hers in your life, if the people that you wanna be in relationship with or hunch on or whatever you wanna call it, like, I'm talking about your connections with other people including:

The your relationship with yourself.

You have relationships with your parents, with your children, with your siblings, again, with yourself, with your colleagues, your coworkers.

Like, we have relationships that we're, interacting with that we probably don't even think about because we only think about our relationship as being an intimate partnership. Right? But no. Like, the brief moment that you're that you're talking to the cashier in the store.

That's a connection. That's a relationship, even though it's just quick, and you probably don't even think about it. But if you go to that store a lot, like, there's a store I go to here, the girl knows me. So every time I see her, I'm like, hey. How you doing? Lol. Lol. We we have a little brief conversation. And she's like, I see you here a lot, so you might as well sign up for the the rewards thing you'll save. And I'm like, okay.

Cool. I'll do that. That's a relationship. Is she my best friend? No. But I know her. She knows me because we see each other often. And so over time, if I continue to see her, then that relationship May grow. You know, we might have a little bit longer conversations.

I might find out what she likes to do, you know, when she's not at work. I might find out that she's In school for x, y, and z. I'm like, oh my god. That's fantastic because la la la la la, you can do x y. So you never know. Stop Thinking about relationships as just the person that you are sleeping with And start looking at it as the people that you are connecting with.

It's funny because I was, talking with my therapist at the time. And I was like, you know, this relationship, because I was, you know, talking about a person that I was interested in.

And she was like, well, what do you mean, it's not a relationship? And I was like, a relationship is a connection between two people. The type of relationship depends on the nature of said relationship. Right?

Like I was just explaining, the cashier in the grocery store, that's just like a casual connection. Just somebody that I see because I frequent their place of business. Whereas my best friend, like, that's my bestie. We have a deeper connection. She knows way more about me than the the lady that works in the groceries. I still don't know her name.

So that's why I'm saying the lady that works in the store that I frequent. We haven't gotten to that point where it's like, oh, my name is, You know, my name is Jovannah. What's your name? It's just like, hey, girl. I'm back. Hey. How you doing? What's what's going on? It's very casual and simple. So, yeah. And I remember and I my therapist used to get on my nerves, But I know that she was doing that to to challenge me, right, and make sure that I'm not saying, like, oh, me and this person are together.

And I'm like, no. I don't mean it in that way. I mean it in the sense that We are 2 people sharing a connection. Not that that's my man, my man, my man, my man. But, Yeah. I just I think the more that we start to think about relationships as a more expansive, then we'll start to notice the way in which we connect with people differently.

Establishing a Relationship is a MUST

There was something else that I was gonna say, and I forget. Hold on. Let me see if it'll come up. Oh, Yes.

So another thing that my therapist said that annoyed me, is this person that I was dating, dealing with. I don't know. It's something about, like, figuring out the direction in which we were headed. And she was like, well, she said something like what's understood doesn't need to be said or something like that. And I was like, that's stupid. Any other relationship that you enter into is explicitly stated.

And I was like, in order for me to become your client, we had to state that relationship. I couldn't just walk into your office and sit down and be like, okay. So boom. This is what's going on. In order for me to you know, in order for you to work at a place, you don't just show up. Woo. Where do I start? Where's my station? Where's my desk? No. You go through a process of interviewing to see if you're a good fit, then they tell you you're hired for this specific role.

Here are your duties. You start here. The like, they break that shit down.

But we expect people to give of our time, our energy, our resources, our bodies, our our life force with no explanation, no understanding. You got.. no. Absolutely not. Because that's where so many of these situationships, that's where people get so confused. They don't know what's going on.

Are we together? Not? No.

You need to know so you know the boundaries of that relationship. Because if he just playing, then that means I'mma continue to date other people. Or if he wants us to be exclusive, then he needs to state that because it matters. Right?

So death to situationships. And my thing is if you're confused about where you stand in a relationship, If it's not not a it's not a solid relationship, then we're just friends. If we're not together, you're my friend. If we ain't married, you're my friend.

If you didn't say, like, I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you, you're my friend. And we not we not knucking and bucking. Ain't no knocking no boots because we're just friends. We can talk about whatever you wanna talk about because we're friends. We can go out on dates because we're just friends. That's how I look at it. Like, you can be my friend.

A lot of men sometimes too will just, like, tell you all this stuff. Like, oh, I wanna do this and I wanna do that. And then they have nothing to to to prove or show for it. I love being friends. I, actually made a really good friend. We talk every now and again, but we text each other on a daily basis. And he is a very driven person. He's really focused on his goals, for business and his children, and I love that.

I think that is amazing because he's focused on him. And it also gives us a chance to actually really get to know each other. And there's no rush. I'm not in a rush for anything because I have so many things that I wanna accomplish, and I already know how damaging it can be to have the wrong person in your life.

Date for the Experience

So approach dating as an experience, not an outcome. They are your friends until otherwise noted. Don't be so pressed or, like an urgency of, I gotta find the one. I'm looking for my soulmate. Remember, this is an experience that you're getting to know other humans.

So create some space so that you can see the big picture and notice the red flags, the yellow ones, the orange ones, the blue ones. Just notice all the the flags, girl, guy, whoever's watching, whoever's listening.

Notice all the flags. This is an opportunity for you to test out your boundaries. How are you, you know, standing on your square? Are you being true to yourself?

This is an opportunity for you to, you know, practice your communication skills, asking for what you need, and commanding, demanding the respect and the treatment that you desire and deserve.

Alright, beautiful beloved ones. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed the episode.

I'm so excited. There's so much more that I will be talking about with you, so definitely stay tuned to the Abundantly Ever After Show. I am your host Jovannah Tisdale. I am a spiritual healer, a life coach, a bodyworker. I do all the things to help you liberate your soul, heal your body, and free your mind. You can find me at jovannahtisdale.com where you can book a reading with me. I'm open again for Coaching for energy healing. These are, remote services.

So, you know, tap in and get the support that you need so that you can heal, grow, thrive, and live abundantly ever after. I'll see you on the next episode. Until next time.

Peace.